Two shadows embrace Angy Fernández (Palma de Mallorca, 33 years old) on stage after sending her voice into the stratosphere in the seconds preceding the final chorus of I know who I am. The actress and singer naturally integrates her fears into the song with which she officially returned to the world of music on Tuesday evening. Years ago, when you realized that you didn’t have a clear sound project in mind or the necessary emotional stability, you decided to focus on interpretation. You have voluntarily requested to terminate your contract with Sony. The record company still accompanies him in his relaunch at the Benidorm Fest, in whose first semi-final he overwhelmed the audience together with Bitch from Nebula.
His proposal to represent Spain at Eurovision is supported by a double winner of the competition: Thomas Gustafsson, author of Loreen’s two victories (Euphoria AND Tattoo). He is one of the composers who helped her shape the song based on the intimate lyrics she wrote herself. The Swede is the one who benefits most from the collaboration between the two. It’s Angy’s live skills that add luster to the song and not the other way around. In her verse she bluntly describes her stage fright and the pressure she feels to distinguish herself as an artist, despite there being no trace in the 16 years she has been on television of her performing live that wasn’t excellent. She started sharing her mental health issues five years ago, when it wasn’t fashionable for her to talk about it. And since then you have not been ashamed to talk about depression, suicide, toxic romance, guilt and how to work on self-love.
For many of those who attend the Palau d’Esports l’Illa in Benidorm, she is a generational reference as one of the protagonists of the youth series Physics or chemistry. He was the one who made young Spaniards want to be emo. The public knows his story and, while his presentation video was broadcast at the TVE gala on Tuesday, he supported the Majorcan just a second after she went on stage.
Ask. It was exciting to see the connection the audience felt with you before you even started singing.
Answer. I noticed a lot of affection. I was already excited before. I’m on a roller coaster and I was excited, but I also felt a lot of pressure because I wanted everything to go well. I have sung and competed many times on television, but I was particularly nervous. The song touches me a lot. The moment of the hug leaves me on the verge of tears; I have to hold back for the final shot of the song. I hope to fix a couple of things vocally for the final on Saturday.
Q. From the outside it’s very easy to see things, but it’s amazing that he can be so insecure about his abilities on stage.
R. Rather than insecurity, I would talk about demand. Since people had known me for a long time and read that I had so many expectations of myself, I needed to do well, to feel comfortable with what came out on stage.
Q. I know who I am It is a personal proposal, but at the same time very professional, very aimed at entering Eurovision.
R. Tony Sánchez-Ohlsson asked me to run this year [es compositor eurovisivo, asesor del Benidorm Fest y quien invitó a Chanel a participar en la primera edición]. I prepared a proposal and was able to count on people of Thomas’ level… which is a luxury but also another pressure. The good thing is that besides doing great things like Loreen, he comes from heavy metal, so he liked the idea that I wanted to put guitars in the song.
Q. Each artist who presents at the Benidorm Fest finances his staging, although he can ask RTVE for help for some technical aspects. In her case, she preferred not to record a music video to invest everything in this week’s scenario.
R. Not only was it a way to save on the budget, I believed that in this case I should focus on the live show. I wanted to save it for that moment. I was clear about what I wanted to say, I had to do it on stage.
Q. The first one won Your face is familiar to me. The program showed great live artists, such as Jorge González and María Peláe (both also at Benidorm Fest 2024), who fail to consolidate a recording career. Is there a lack of repertoire in the Spanish industry?
R. There are so many of us… And, in music, you have to be very clear about your personality and work hard to define it. That’s why I left it aside. I wasn’t clear about my identity and my insecurity made me make many comparisons.
Q. In 2019 he commented on his mental health issues on social media. There weren’t many public faces doing it at the time and we tried to talk about it almost immediately, but he wasn’t having it anymore.
R. I felt overwhelmed. Everyone started calling me. It wasn’t a marketing issue. My representative told me I could notify to communicate it another way. I felt better about myself and just wanted to talk about those demons that I’ve been fighting for a long time and that we all have.
Q. So he did it from a positive position.
R. Yes. At that moment I had left a more immature and toxic relationship that was cheating on me for a stable and healthy one. I was doing well at the theater, my family was there… I decided to say that I was better. The networks kept me in touch with people even though I hadn’t sung in recent years. I noticed them thanking me for speaking openly about my stuff. I thought it was a good way to translate that into music now.
Q. He commented that, at the moment of maximum popularity, with television series, it was the one in which he had the most fears. She compared herself to her co-stars.
R. Yes. They are pins and it impressed me. Not because of them, they were my friends. They were the external comments. I experienced many things with Ursula [Corberó] and she’s always been that empowered girl. That’s why she is a global star. And I admire her. When we were at home in our pajamas, she would show me her insecurities, but she decided that wasn’t what she wanted to show the world. And this is where we have arrived.
Q. And social networks didn’t exist…
R. But Forocoches was already there. I wasn’t even 20 years old and they called me everything. Ogre, dwarf, neckless. And it was even worse when they said, “She’s ugly, but I fucked her.” Before that, when I was in Mallorca and started going out with my friends with a fake ID, I never had body complexes. I went with mine I wait emo and flirted out of pure attitude. I didn’t compare myself to anyone.
Q. Has the pandemic helped those mental health issues?
R. Despite the great tragedy it was for the world, locking myself in a bubble helped me. I didn’t have to demo or do casting. I took those pressures away.
Q. And then there’s the guilt of feeling depressed when you objectively live in a privileged situation.
R. It keeps happening to me. Sometimes it’s hard for me to have fun. Luckily, the algorithm has changed, but until recently it was all about feeling good and showing it, even if you woke up and just wanted to cry. Psychiatrists help a lot, but it must be combined with psychological therapy, because the pills only cover the problem and don’t solve it.
Q. He also talked about having suicidal ideation.
R. That’s why you feel guilty too. When your head tells you that it can’t take it anymore and, despite all the tools I had at my disposal (because I was able to spend a lot of money on a therapy that helped me a lot), to think that you’ve hit the wall again… I thought: will my whole life be like this? Will I be sad all my life?
Q. Don’t you think about it anymore?
R. I’m clear that I would never do this for the people who love me, but when I see that someone has done it it makes me so sad, I empathize so much… and I understand it too. If you ask for help, there is always a way out. I would like to be able to share my experiences in speeches, not just in interviews. To support all those young people who are going through the process of finding their identity.
Q. Did you think twice about coming to Benidorm after all the initial hate Chanel received?
A. Yes, I wondered if I would be prepared for criticism. But those around me told me that people respect and love me very much. And that’s how I heard it. Then, whatever the reason, the proposal is not the one chosen, because it doesn’t matter.
[El Ministerio de Sanidad promueve la Línea telefónica 024 de atención a la conducta suicida].
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